Helping Out Hollywood: 3 Old Ideas

In case you haven’t noticed, the film industry seems to be rehashing a lot of old ideas. Reboots, more comic book adaptations, sequels, prequels, spinoffs and crossovers. These ideas range from the good (The Stand), to the bad (Mary Poppins); the controversial (post-apocalyptic Zorro) to the plain weird (Men in Black combined with 21 Jump Street). (Yes, these are all in the works as we speak).

I, being me, have some ideas on film reboots and, I, being me, of course want to help. So here’s three film reboot ideas for free – from me to you.

So they want to do a whole new film trilogy for Men in Black without Will Smith. The Men in Black franchise never fully worked in films after the first one – it’s hard to keep coming up with ways for the world to get itself into trouble, then have Agents J and K pull it out again. So what to do?

Men In Black would function so much better as a television show on Netflix. The fun of the franchise isn’t in saving the world – it’s in pulling over an alien speeding at 115 mph who is drunk on hummus. It’s in the alien crossing guard who accidentally ate some kid, and the MiB have to go into the alien’s guts and pull them back up. It’s in the every day weird shit that come with having aliens on this planet – and will work better in the smaller-scale than the larger one.

The Beach is a half-way decent movie, because it’s directed by Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire) and stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Tilda Swinton, and any movie with that kind of talent can’t be bad (it’s better than that actually). But it was compromised heavily by the studio from its source material, and the ending ended up sucking out loud. Which was unfortunate – the book is phenomenal. It deals everything from the angst of your early 20s to mental illness and what happens behind the scenes to keep preserve our society.

This book should be shot almost word for word the way it’s done in the book, on a small budget with a visionary director and an undiscovered actor. And it’s more timely than ever.

I’m pretty sure I’ve written about this before, but I propose not to reboot the show but to continue it. In the original, Bartlett tells Sam: “You’re going to run for President one day”. Let’s see it. Put it on HBO, do 10 episode seasons, Rob Lowe in the lead (like he always wanted), Josh Lyman as COS, any of the old gang who can do it and a bunch of new people. Get Aaron Sorkin to write it – he doesn’t have another TV show going right now (unfortunately for us all).

The film was total fun – the first 20 minutes are among the best in action film history. GIVE US A BLOODY SEQUEL!!!!

Okay, I’m done now.