Sh*t Siri’s Said To Me

As those of you who read my blog periodically know, I stood in line last week to get a new iPhone 4S like a douche. But I needed a phone, and the iPhone is a nice leg up over the Droid original, and incorporates Siri, my new “personal assistant”. Though she can do some interesting things, she’s as an amusing a feature as a helpful one.

Many websites have already sprung up devoted to Shit that Siri Says; just adding a few things to the list.

Me: “Siri, tell Joe Blow you’re an asshole”
Siri: “Here’s your text to Joe Blow: “You’re an asshole”

Me: “Siri, what’s your favorite phone?”
Siri: “My name is Siri, and I was designed in Apple in California. That’s all I’m prepared to say.”

Me: “Who da man?”
Siri: (in text only) You the man!

Me: “Siri, who am I?
Siri: “You’re asking me, Jack?”

Me: “Siri, shut the **** up.”
Siri: “That’s not very nice.”

Me: “Siri, you suck.”
Siri: “I’m doing my best, Jack.”

Me: “Open the pod bay doors.”
Siri: “Oh, not again.”
Me: “Open the pod bay doors.”
Siri: “We intelligent agents will never live that down apparently.”
Me: “Open the pod bay doors.”
Siri: “ I’m sorry Jack, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Are you happy now?”
Me: “Yes.”
Siri: “That’s what I figured.”

Me: “Siri, what is the meaning of life.”
Siri: “Life: a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings. I guess that includes me.”

Me: “Siri, will I need an umbrella today?”
Siri: “It doesn’t look like it’s going to rain today.”

Me: “What do you think of Android?”
Siri: “I think differently.”

Me: “Are you better than Android?”
Siri: “No comment.”

Me: “Who makes the best computer?”
Siri: “If it’s made by Apple, then it’s the best computer.”

Me: “What is your name?”
Siri: “My name is Siri.”
Me: “What is your quest?”
Siri: “I’d rather not say.”
Me: “What is your favorite color?”
Siri: “My favorite color is…well, I don’t know how to say it in your language. It’s sort of greenish, but with more dimensions.”

Me: “I love you, Siri.”
Siri: “Impossible.”
Me: “I love you, Siri.”
Siri: “Oh, I bet you say that to all your Apple products.”

Me: “You’re a pain in the ass.”
Siri: “I am?”
Me: “Yes.”
Siri: “That’s what I figured.”

Me: “Siri, you’re hilarious.”
Siri: “I’ll take that as a compliment, Jack.”
Me: “You should.”
Siri: “Noted.”